


To Be Thin

by Gleefanatic52790



Category: Glee
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Cutting, Early Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Eating Disorder, Glee - Freeform, Kurt Hummel-Centric, Self Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 05:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13606197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gleefanatic52790/pseuds/Gleefanatic52790
Summary: Kurt has always been chubby in his childhood. He feels obligated to be thin when he starts to get into fashion and wearing the most expensive brands. He needs to be thin, he wishes to one day become a Broadway actor so he needs to be thin to be able to move around easily. Rachel Berry wants to be the next Barbara Streisand. She needs to be thin to impress Finn and get roles in the school plays and soon Broadway.





	To Be Thin

**Author's Note:**

> This is major trigger warning for Anorexia Bulimia and self harm

Kurts POV

...134 lbs. Ugh I started this new diet a week ago and I only lost 8 pounds!? Why is my body so fucking difficult. At least I'm not in the 160s anymore, freshman year was the worst because of that. I throw on my acne wool sweater and some grey skinny jeans and Doc Martens, eh not my best but it's all that fits my figure without bunching up anymore I should go shopping for smaller sizes. I run downstairs and prepare myself green tea to go. As I let it steep I do 50 crunches and 25 push ups to pass time. When it is ready I throw on my jacket and bag and run to the car because I am late, as always and I am not letting myself get a detention. I lowkey speed to school trying to make it in less than 10 minutes and rush to my homeroom, luckily it’s the choir room so I don't have a long walk. When I step in I get a little lightheaded from all the running around so I sip some tea to help suppress the pain. I love the feeling of filling up on tea plus it keeps my breath smelling fresh. I listen as my homeroom teacher does roll call trying not to daze out so I don't miss my name, again... I read my book for 15 minutes until the bell rings meaning the start of the school day.  
My favorite part of my day is the post-homeroom roast fest/Karofsky and Azimio beating me up. Today they didn't have anything except throw an unwrapped twinkie at my face calling me the twink queen..... clever. OH SHIT no no no no no no. I can't be touching this I need to wash off ASAP i can already feel the calories seeping through my skin. I run to the bathroom to wash off as hard as possible. I scrub so much trying to get all the fat and calories out from all my pores. When I think I’m clean enough I get back to class, I blame my lateness on a slushy attack since my French teacher is well aware of those. Why does this morning feel like it’s way slower than it normally is. The bell finally rings I rush down the stairs, halfway through, the world gets fuzzy I grab a hold of the railing to support myself and walk the rest of the way as slow as possible. When I reach the choir room I chug a bottle of water and instantly feel better. I eat 3 apple wedges that I got at lunch before we do choreography, last thing I want is for the whole glee club to watch me faint. We go over our show but rehearsal ends early though because of one of Rachel’s infamous breakdowns.  
I get home before my father, luckily, if he were here I would have to eat with him. I grab a bowl cereal and milk. I put about 5 pieces of cereal in the bowl, add a little water to make it moist and some milk to pool at the bottom I put the bowl in the sink on top of the other dishes to make it seem like I’ve eaten. I go up to my room to start on my French essay which is the only work I have to do tonight. After about 45 minutes I finally finish and decide to call Rachel, yeah we hate each other but she’s started this neat diet and she likes to check up from time to time.  
Kurt  
Rachel  
“Hey hon whats up!”  
“Hey diva, nothing since this afternoon still pissed that Mr. Schue said that that about my outfit.”  
“Yeah well he wasn’t wrong those plaid stockings were a sin”  
“Yeah, was Quinn right when she said that thing about my muffin top? I mean she wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true right?”  
“Well, she’s a bitch for saying that and no she wasn’t right, your body is gorgeous, the thing we should be worrying about are my pear hips”  
“Babe you have an amazing body, if anything I’m a little jealous of your thigh gap, I see you rocking those skinny jeans”  
“I gotta go Rachel, Finn is calling me downstairs, I love you.”  
“I love you too, don’t lose sight of your goals”  
She makes a kissing noise and hangs up. 

I go downstairs to see what Finn wants from me. “Hey dude, you wanna help me cook dinner for mom and Burt? I want to make it special since they were working hard today but knowing me I can burn water.”  
“Sure, we can make a simple tortellini pasta dish with a pesto sauce and chicken, you can make the side salad and we both can make a mini cheesecake for them.” we both wash our hands and I set the water to boil….  
It’s been an hour of torture and craving for the food in front of me but I managed to not eat anything except an ice cube. Our parents come home at around the same time “OOOH I SMELL A DELICIOUS MEAL” yells my dad he comes into the kitchen a little in shock to see that Finn is finishing off with the salad. “You helped him too? It’s Christmas already” Finn and I both snicker at the comment and finish setting up the table.  
We are all sitting around the table I hear forks clanking against plates, people chewing loudly, it's a little disturbing to me how much Finn can eat at once. I decide to pick at my salad in front of me but decide to start up conversation before I have to eat any more tomatoes. “Well I’ll have you guys know, Finn and I both got solos for regionals.” Dad and Carole both seemed really proud of us, they both give the parent look where they raise their eyebrows and make that gasp noise. “Yeah bud! I’m so proud of both of you, both my kids are kicking ass in that glee club make us proud, maybe this time I’ll try to snag front row seats, right Carole?” They both nod at each other and smile. I grin a little knowing my parents are proud of something I’ve done. “Well, I am stuffed, if you will excuse me I am going to go up to my room and finish the loads of homework I have.” Burt finishes up his bite “C’mon pal, you barely touched your pasta.” I raise my eyebrow thinking of an excuse. “Oh I ate so much when I came home and picked at the extras as we were cooking.” I say before I chug some water to prevent my stomach from growling. Finn looks at me suspiciously but ignores it and gets back to eating.  
I run upstairs and lock myself in my room. I take out a ring box and open it. I take out the velvet top and reveal my best friends, I don’t know what I’d do without them. I take off my shirt and pull out a razor I took from a sharpener. I press the cold metal to the smooth porcelain of my arm and drag it across quickly. Watching the beads of blood trickling down my arm is pure bliss. I do that about a dozen more times until I decide to stop before Finn or anyone comes knocking.  
I take my cloth that I use for these situations and wet a part of it and tie it around my wrist tightly to catch the blood. I put my instruments back where they belong. I throw on an oversized NYU hoodie and some sweats to lounge around the house. I go back downstairs after about an hour of self deprecation. I walk in on Finn and our parents on the couch watching Jurassic Park and eating ice cream sundaes. I sit on a love seat next to the couch hoping not to draw too much attention. “Hey bud you want some ice cream we have a pint left, dont want it to go to waste.” I hear my dad call. I turn my head quickly which was probably a bad idea for now it is throbbing aw well. “Um no dad, I’ve been having indigestion lately, dairy would cause a plague upon my body.” He just nodded and turned back to the movie. We finish the first movie and take a quick moment to get food drinks or use the bathroom before starting up the second one. I just grab 2 water bottles from the fridge and set them on the coffee table. I sit back down on my comfy seat and take one bottle and chug it before anyone comes back. I throw it out, on my way back from the kitchen by phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s a text from Rachel ‘Help, I just ate half a pie of pizza and I can’t let this sit.’ Oh god she chooses the wrong times. ‘Honey this is a very bad time but mary sure you standing so your mouth is below your stomach and if two fingers don’t work use three. Also drink a lot of water, it’ll make it smoother.’ ‘Thank you, I don’t know what I’d do without you’  
I shut off my phone and return back to my seat but instead Carole is chilling there, okay ool whatever I’ll just sit next to Finn as if I didn’t feel insecure about my body and avoid contact at all times. I si as far away from him as possible and pull a blanket on top of myself to cover my body. Lo and behold my dad wants to join us great, Finn ends up trapped between us and our legs are touching. I decide fuck it and fully cuddle with him, what’s her to lose. I lay back on the couch and lay m legs over his. After about 20 minutes into the second movie I feel myself drifting off until I feel a head lean on my shoulder. It’s Finn not only does he just lean oh no, he starts to shift a lot. “Is there a problem with my shoulder am I not as pillowlike as you desire.” He looks up, “Nah man, it’s just your shoulder is so boney, not like Rachel’s, like these are so sharp I feel like they could cut me if I make a wrong move.” I shift away from him mumbling a small apology. “Sorry my shoulders are not broad and masculine, I’m just left with a dainty feminine frame.” I hug my torso and shrink into myself with the intent of not drawing attention to my figure. “Yeah he’s right bud, you’ve been looking a little thin lately, wearing sweats more which never used to happen, what’s up with you” I hear my dad remark. “Maybe I just lost all my baby fat, I also grew quite a few inches maybe it’s just my weight dispersing more evenly now.” I say, trying to avoid worry. “Well, I am slumped I think I am going to go to bed, beauty needs some rejuvenation every once in a while.” I say whilst standing up to leave the living room. I run up the stairs to my new room that I don’t share. I slip into bed and try to sleep but I can’t grab sleep even it was 2 inches from my grip so I grab my iPhone and log into tumblr. I scroll through thinspo until it’s 12am and I finally fall asleep. I will be thin one day.


End file.
